#incorrect the falcon and the winter soldier

[ghoststillhaunting]

My current favorite hobby is to make my own incorrect marvel quotes cause I think I'm so fucking funny

Here are some of my favorites :)

~

After a rough mission

Steve: whew! well that was crazy! I definitely need a smoke after that. Anyone got a cigarette I can bum off them?

Sam: uh Steve? aren't you asthmatic?

Steve: I mean I was? but what does that matter?

Bruce: cause cigarettes have been known to cause asthma...

Steve, who was prescribed cigarettes specifically to TREAT his asthma: What

~

Tony: Hey Steve. what'cha reading there?

Steve: Oh! it's this short horror story called I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. It's about this AI that gains consciousness and sets out to destroy humanity.

Natasha: sounds right up your ally Tony

Tony: That's not funny 😐

~

Tony: Now I do believe that capitalism can work-

Steve, who literally grew up during the Great Depression: I don't. It has done nothing but fuck us over and is the disease at the core of America.

Interviewer, taking notes: "Captain America is a communist" got it.

~

Tony: hey kid! what're your plans for Christmas?

Peter: Uh me and Aunt May don't really celebrate for Christmas

Tony: WHAT!? WHO WOULD EVER DEPRIVE A CHILD OF THE SWEET JOYS AND WONDERS OF CHRISTMAS???

Peter: Mr. Stark...I'm Jewish.

Tony:...oh

~

Steve: Hey Peter! Hey Ned!

Ned: omg Captain America knows my name!

Peter: Ned, you have dinner with us. Every Friday. Of course he knows your name.

Ned:...I know but it's still CRAZY

~

Tony: Peter. You must learn the consequences of your actions therefore I have no choice but to punish you. You aren't allowed in the labs for a month.

Peter: OH SO YOU WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF

Tony: PETER

Peter: NO NO I SEE HOW IT IS YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME DEAD

Tony: PETER YOU RECREATED A LIGHTSABER AND SLICED THE COUCH INTO TWENTY PIECES

Peter: GOD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE

~

Tony: Kid WHY and HOW do you know how to use a gun???

Peter:...I play a lot of call of duty?

Tony: this is the closest i have ever been to wanting to punt a child

~

Steve: Jesus Tony stop being such a cunt!

Tony: 😦

Peter: ATE

~

Bucky: Peter...do you think i'm gay?

Peter:....you are wearing a rupaul muscle tee

Bucky:...you didn't answer my question :(

~

Interviewer: What are your thoughts on immigration?

Steve: my parents were immigrants...what do you think my thoughts are?

[rebelfleur22]

Y/n: I’ve been dropping him the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Bucky: Wow. He sound stupid.

Y/n : But he's not. He's really smart actually. Just dense.

Bucky: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Y/n : I guess you’re right. Hey James, I love you.

Bucky: See! Just say that!

Sam : [annoyed] for fuck's sake...

Bucky: If that flies over his head then, sorry doll , but he's too dumb for you.

Sam: You’re absolutely right about that!

Y/n : I just can't...

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Kate: What did you get Yelena for her birthday?

Y/N: I got her a dog.

Kate: Really? Me too!

Sam: I also got her a dog!

Bucky: Looks like we had the same idea.

Y/N: Scott, please tell me you didn’t get Yelena a dog as well.

Scott: I got her a dog!

[cuts to Yelena surrounded by dogs]

Yelena: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!

[irondadspiderson4evr]

Ah yes… Peter…

Peter, in the lab: Mr stark, are we cooking today or what!

Tony: Peter, we aren’t… in the kitchen?

—-

Peter: Mr. Stark, you’re girly pop!

Tony: … What?

—-

Tony: how are you feeling webs?

Peter, after a battle, in the med bay: Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!

Tony, concerned: What… does that mean?

Sam, laughing: Watch your profanity!

Steve and Bucky, confused: What the hell?

—-

Tony, his hands busy, handing over a piece of paper: Pete, can you read this to me?

Peter: actually, I never learned how to read.

—-

Natasha, fighting Peter on his homework: If you don’t do your work you’re going to end up at McDonald’s-

Peter: we goin’ to McDonalds if I don’t do my work?

—-

The avengers having a summer party

Tony: Peter what do you have-

Peter: A KNIFE!

Tony: WHAT? NO-

—-

Peter: So I was sitting there, BBQ sauce on my titties…

Tony: Peter you don’t have- what?

@spiderman-is-me

[lives-in-midgard]

Bucky: I absolutely hate pet names, can’t stand them.

Sam: I somehow don’t believe that.

Y/N walks into the room, looking at Bucky with a big smile.

Y/N: Oh honey, there you are!

Bucky, smiling and blushing: See, I totally can’t stand them.

Sam: Clearly

[incorrect-marvel-because-why-not]

Some of the Avengers are on a hike Rhodey: It’s beautiful out here. Bruce: And quiet. Sam: Too quiet. Bucky: Did we lose someone? cut to Steve with a bear in a headlock

[romanoffshouse]

Bucky: Y/N, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Y/N: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.

Bucky: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Sam.

Y/N: Wait- Bucky , no-

[super-marvel-dc]

Bucky: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Y/N: It was Sam.

Steve: It was Sam.

Natasha: Sam broke it.

Sam:

Sam: ...yOU PROMISED-

[randomstuffjustrandom]

Smooth

Kate, Sam, Bucky, and Yelena chilling tgth.

Kate, to Yelena: When are you going to stop calling me by my last name? Is it a Russian thing? Cuz I swear Bucky does it too.

Bucky: It isn't a Russian thing, it's an assassin thing. And I'm not Russian. Just so happen they are often linked together.

Yelena: I'll stop calling you by your last name, Bishop, once you change it to Belova.

Everyone: ……..

Sam: …Smoooottthh…

[chaxan08]

Bucky: I think it's time to get my life in order.

Sam, narrating: But he didn’t get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk last night and ended up fighting a raccoon.

Rocket: Hey, don't call me that!

[thewrittenpodcast]

How i imagine Avengers family game night goes:

Peter: pay me my money

Sam: nnnnno

Nat: don't worry I have a gun

Peter: You have a gun??

Bucky: I have one too

Steve: NO

Steve: NO GUNS

[headcanonthings]

Bucky: When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a magician. Steve: Tell them why you stopped? Bucky: I... I almost cut someone in half with a saw. Tony: What the fuck?? Sam: What kind of kid were you? Bucky: I didn't know a magician was fake! I thought they were real! That's why I didn't become one. Natasha: That's why?? Bruce: Not you nearly cutting a kid in half?! Bucky: The kid was fine. My dad stopped me before I could hurt him. Tony: Poor guy. At least he's safe from you now. Bucky: Huh? He's standing right beside me. Steve: I'm the kid. Bruce: And you still ended up being best friends?! Sam: I take it back. What's wrong with the both of you?!

[rebelfleur22]

Incorrect the falcon and the winter soldier quotes

(Sam and Y/n sitting in jail together)

Y/n: So who should we call?

Sam: I’d call Bucky, But I feel much safer in jail.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Sam: Stressed.

Bucky: Depressed.

Yelena: Possessed.

Kate: Obsessed.

Peter: Impressed.

Wade: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Wade: I just wanted to join in.

[aagiijxbls]

words by @headcanonthings

I'm really loving these incorrect quotes lately.

[cactus-cuddler]

Chapter 2: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐝?

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Word count: 1,5 k

Summary: you and Bucky said your goodbyes and you faced a grueling night shift. However, the next morning your now favorite customer returns.

Warnings: drunk men * men who touch you without your consent * Simply... warnings are men

Tag list: @mcira @robynanthonystark @sofiaavarga13

(if you want to be added write to me)

ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛᴇᴅ <3

You're in bed after an exhausting night. After Bucky left, the bar gradually filled up completely, both inside and outside. Both you and Megan worked those hours; alone, it would have been impossible. While you were working, some men took the liberty of touching you without permission, and you can still feel their touch imprinted on your skin. You hate this job more and more, and knowing that you have to return in a few hours doesn't console you at all.

The next morning, Bucky was already there at opening time. He helped you set up the bar by bringing out the tables and chairs, then positioned himself in the same spot while you washed the counter.

“Same drink?” you ask him, and he shakes his head.

“What’s the point if you don't let me get drunk?” he chuckles. “I'd like a coffee,” he adds. With a smile, you prepare it for him.

“How many glasses do you need to get drunk?” you ask curiously. A normal person would be drunk after just two glasses of your strongest drink, but Bucky, even after five, simply felt more vulnerable.

“Too many,” he replies, focusing his gaze on your sweet face.

As the bar gradually fills with people wanting breakfast, you serve everyone with a smile. Bucky watches your every move intently, and under his gaze, you feel embarrassed, wishing he would leave and come back when the place isn’t so full. You know the skirt of your uniform moves too much, and you’re afraid Bucky might turn out to be like the other pigs who frequent the bar. Yet, you want to trust him. As soon as there are no more customers to serve, you return to Bucky.

“Isn’t working in a uniform like this suicide?” your favorite customer asks, and you nod. He understands. He knows what drunk men do to cute girls like you at the bar.

“But I know how to defend myself,” you tell him with a wink. He raises an eyebrow, unconvinced.

“This bar, and you, need a bodyguard, don’t you?” he suggests.

“You’re kidding. No, I don’t need one!” you laugh at his words. He seems too serious, so when the next day your employer announces Bucky as the bar’s bodyguard for night shifts, you’re left speechless.

“You’re crazy,” you tell him with a smile during your morning shift, him sitting in the same place and you behind the counter.

“But now you won’t have to be afraid anymore,” he replies. He’s completely right. With someone to defend you from other men, you feel safer and the job seems less burdensome. You place your warm hand on top of his.

“Thank you very much,” you say sincerely, offering him a coffee and a brioche. Although he isn’t crazy about sweets, he decides to eat it to avoid hurting your feelings and shares it with you. He feeds you a piece because your hands are dirty with soap, and seeing you get dirty with chocolate cream makes him smile, a cute smile that will remain imprinted in your mind.

Today, Bucky stayed less, and during your second shift, he only stopped by to say hello before you saw each other again at night. He’s dressed in a tight black t-shirt, revealing his vibranium arm, with the bar's logo, and simple sweatpants. When you saw him, you were transfixed by his irresistible charm. He greets you and Megan, who wonders if having a bodyguard will make shifts calmer, without men touching you inappropriately.

“Good evening, stud,” Megan says in her usual flirtatious tone, which for some reason bothers you. He returns the greeting with a wave.

“Do you prefer me to position myself inside or outside?” he asks, his hoarse voice sending a shiver down your spine.

“Stand at the door and keep an eye on both inside and outside,” Megan replies. You agree, so you don’t say anything else. Before starting your shift, you and Megan usually share a chocolate bar. Today she brought it, gave you your share, and then went to the counter, leaving you alone with Bucky for a few minutes.

“It’s our custom,” you tell him, showing your piece of chocolate with a smile.

“A lucky charm?” he asks, and you nod, breaking your part in two and giving him a piece, which he accepts with thanks.

“Luck will be needed by those who watch you,” he says, and you blush, giggling. You hold up the piece of chocolate as if to toast and then eat while looking at each other. Your gaze focuses on him as he swallows, showing his Adam's apple.

You let him go, and he positions himself at the door, watching both inside and outside without losing sight of you.

“That man is crazy about you,” Megan whispers in your ear while eating her chocolate. You blush and shake your head.

“He’s just grateful because I didn’t let him get drunk,” you reply and then take table six’s order. Megan doesn’t say anything else and goes back to serving her regular customers, flirting for tips.

You take a tray, place the drinks on it, and head towards the table with your usual smile. You see Bucky’s eyes on you and give him a reassuring smile. That table starts whistling as you approach, and your smile fades.

“Is your number included with the drinks?” someone asks. You ignore it and serve the drinks as quickly as possible. One guy puts his hand on your thigh, and before he can go further, Bucky is behind you.

“Having a nice evening?” Bucky asks in his deep voice.

“We wanted to have fun with this little doll,” the customer replies, tightening his grip on your thigh.

Your bodyguard pulls you close, making the guy's hand slip away. Your back is against Bucky's chest. You feel his chest rise and fall with his breath, his scent filling your nostrils. You think you’re about to faint.

“Go to the counter and don’t move,” he whispers in your ear. Blushing, you do as he asks and prepare the other orders. From there, you see Bucky still talking to that table when one of them stands up and punches him in the face. Bucky remains unfazed, touching his lip where you see a small wound. He then walks away, leaving the drunkards behind. “It was a pleasure talking to you too,” you hear him say as he walks away.

“How are you?” he asks you.

“You’re the one with the bloody lip,” you giggle, wetting a washcloth to dab his wound.

“Why didn’t you hit him back?” you ask.

“My job is to protect you, not kill anyone,” he answers. “Trust me, if I wanted to, I could kill him right now,” he adds, and you smile. He got punched just for you. Before returning to his station, he asks if you’re okay and if you need anything. How can a man be so thoughtful after only a few days of knowing each other?

The rest of the evening goes peacefully. No one else dares approach you after seeing Bucky protect you. With that arm, it’s not a problem for him to send someone straight to the afterlife. You’ve never had such a peaceful and pleasant evening. Men limit themselves to compliments, women ask for Bucky’s name, but you (for some reason) pretend not to know him. Megan can’t help but notice the connection between you.

When closing time comes, your colleague leaves in a hurry. You change into something more comfortable for walking at night. You thought Bucky was already gone, but he’s waiting for you at the door.

“I’ll walk you home,” he says. It’s not a polite question but an order. But you don’t mind.

“Has anyone ever gone further?” he asks, walking next to you. You nod, shivering at the memory of certain creeps.

“Luckily, they never got too far. I have many precautions,” you assure him. He had already imagined scenarios of you being abused, but knowing they didn’t succeed makes him feel better.

When you arrive at your house, you notice his lip has worsened. You force him to come upstairs and sit on the armchair while you fetch the first aid kit. You carefully disinfect the wound. He feels a bit of pain but tries not to show it to maintain his mysterious demeanor. You put a band-aid on him, and he thanks you for your kindness.

“Thanks to you. I’ve been working at that bar for months, and today was the first time I didn’t feel in danger at every table I served,” you confess. You accompany him to the exit with regret, suggesting he stay over since it’s late, but he flatly refuses. Before he leaves, you kiss his cheek to say goodnight.

“Goodnight, pretty girl,” he answered and giggling you slowly closed the door. Now every time you hear "pretty girl" you can't help but think of Bucky.

Outside your door, he touches his cheek where your lips had been, and the memory makes him blush and a smile appears on his lips.

Thanks for reading! If there is something you want to tell me about it feel free to tell me. I would also like what you think and how you would like it to continue <3

I remember that if you want to be added to the tag list, just write to me or a comment here or in messages (it's also good as an excuse to talk, I love meeting new people knowing that we have common interests!♡)

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